The Unstoppable Harrison Ford Fugitive Beard

John Meyers


           Observe how the celebrated author thoughtfully strokes his massive, face-swallowing Harrison Ford Fugitive beard while holding court in the hotel ballroom, fending off admirers, and secretly longing for his hideaway cabin in the woods where he’ll return later in the week to don lumberjack flannels and watch the leaves fall. Note how he flashes a devilish smile in response to inane questions, the crisp lines of his tuxedo obliterated at the neck where the fortress-like beard takes over. Is it possible that he can balance a glass of champagne and a plate of hors d’oeuvres in one hand while demonstrating Roger Federer’s slice backhand with the other? Does he really tower over everyone in the room, or is the beard inflating his stature?

           There is sorcery at work here and the author knows it, knows this beard is on the verge of bringing him another stunning success he hasn’t earned. Eventually, he tires of chitchat, excuses himself with a bow and glides toward the exit. His companion joins him in the low-lit vestibule and they’re off to the quiet of a plush hotel room, a hot bath, rejuvenating sleep on silken sheets. Tomorrow he will wake and remember that he’s been churning out the same plotless drivel for ten years with success arriving only when the beard reached maturity. He’ll look in the bathroom mirror and wonder if weakness is visible in the icy stare he has worked so hard to perfect.  

           Then, his gaze will be drawn to the beard. The incomparable, unstoppable Harrison Ford Fugitive beard. Leading the way again this morning, obliterating barriers, blazing a trail to literary glory.



John Meyers’ poems and stories appear or are forthcoming in The Louisville Review, Fiction Southeast, Chicago Literati, and Thrice Fiction, among others. His flash story "The Blue Maverick Crew" is a finalist in Fiction Southeast's 2017 Ernest Hemingway flash fiction prize contest, his piece "The Rolex Adventurer" was runner-up in Able Muse's 2016 Write Prize contest, and his story "Motorbike" won Pulp Literature's 2016 Micro-fiction contest. John lives in Maryland and once wrote advertisements for Ringling Bros. Circus. He can be found online at