The Unvarnished Adventures of a Distracted Lothario

brandon marlon


Preoccupied with the solitary and dark task of 

cunnilingus, I was struck by the inkling that I

had left the back-left burner on yet again, good grief, 

and that when filing my recent tax return I might have 

claimed additional and legitimate home office deductions 

for furniture, telephone charges, and electricity usage

—no insignificant matter, mind you.


To the sound of syncopated moans it suddenly dawned

on me that dryer lint removal was long overdue, 

rather like my public library books on gardening for beginners

and Artaud's early essays (translated, naturally).


Admittedly, as we swung from the chandeliers 

with abandon it detracted somewhat from my delight 

to note the black mould menacing the ceiling 

I just had renovated to the tune of five figures,

damn those overpriced, radio-blaring contractors to hell.


Imagine, if you would, my mid-coital surprise—which 

unfortuitously occurred at the precise moment my privy part, 

full-fledged and magnificent, geysered like Old Faithful—

when I coincidentally reminded myself to replace 

homogenized milk with soy or almond beverage 

on my grocery list, as several of my expected lunch guests 

next week are lactose intolerant and vengeful.


Starry-eyed and dazed, my partner appeared especially 

stoked by the rigors of our passion and, 

on the whole, I wholeheartedly concurred, 

cognizant of the benefits of productive diversion.

Brandon Marlon is a writer from Ottawa, Canada. He received his B.A. in Drama & English from the University of Toronto and his M.A. in English from the University of Victoria. His poetry was awarded the Harry Hoyt Lacey Prize in Poetry (Fall 2015), and his writing has been published in 250+ publications in 28 countries.